How to Navigate Sex and Relationships in University

Rocky Mountain toy Review's | Navigating Sex and Relationships in Post Secondary

Post Secondary is a time of incredible personal growth, new freedoms, and social exploration. This period of your life will likely include navigating the complexities of sexual health and relationships. This guide is designed to be your trusted resource—a comprehensive, non-judgmental roadmap to making informed, safe, and positive choices that prioritize your well-being. Think of it not as a rigid set of rules, but as a framework for building healthy, respectful, and fulfilling connections, on your own terms.

Consent: The Non-Negotiable Foundation of Every Interaction

Before we delve into any other topic, the single most important concept to grasp is consent. Consent is an enthusiastic, affirmative, and ongoing agreement to engage in sexual activity. It's the essential building block of every healthy sexual interaction. Without it, there is no sexual activity—there is only assault.

• It’s Active, Not Passive: The absence of a "no" is not a "yes." Consent must be a clear, enthusiastic "yes." This can be verbal ("Yes, I want to") or non-verbal (an eager nod, pulling someone closer), as long as it's clear and unambiguous. Silence, a hesitant tone, or a passive response should be interpreted as a "no."

• It’s Ongoing and Revocable: Consent for one act doesn't imply consent for another. For example, agreeing to kiss someone does not give them permission to touch you in a sexual way. Furthermore, consent can be withdrawn at any point, for any reason. If a partner says they want to stop, or shows any signs of discomfort, you must stop immediately. Respecting a "no" is a sign of a caring and trustworthy partner.

• Intoxication and Consent: A person who is incapacitated by alcohol or drugs cannot legally or ethically consent to sexual activity. If someone is too drunk or high to make a clear, rational decision, any sexual activity with them is non-consensual. It’s critical to remember that you can still be held accountable for your actions, even if you were also under the influence. The responsibility to ensure all parties are capable of consenting rests with everyone involved.

• Digital Consent: Consent extends to the digital world. Always get explicit permission before taking or sharing photos or videos of anyone, and respect their wishes about what is shared. Sharing intimate images without consent is a violation of privacy and, in many places, a crime.

This may sound straightforward, but it's a conversation worth having with every partner, every time. A simple check-in can make all the difference: "Is this okay?" or "Do you want to continue?"

Safe Sex Practices: Protecting Your Physical Health

Taking control of your sexual health means being proactive about preventing STIs and unplanned pregnancies. The key to effective prevention is having the right tools and knowing how to use them. You don't have to be scared, but you do need to be informed!

• Condoms and Barriers: External condoms, internal condoms, and dental dams are highly effective at preventing the transmission of most STIs and protecting against unintended pregnancy when used correctly. You can access free supplies from most campus health centers or student organizations. Your student fees pay for the supplies, so take advantage of them!

  • Proper Use: Always check the expiration date and ensure the packaging is intact. When using a condom, pinch the tip to squeeze out air, which creates a space for semen and prevents breakage. Unroll it completely down the shaft. After ejaculation, hold the base of the condom while withdrawing to prevent spills.

  • Lube is Your Friend: Use a water-based or silicone-based lubricant with latex condoms to increase pleasure, reduce friction, and prevent breakage. Never use oil-based lubricants (like Vaseline or baby oil) as they can weaken latex and cause the condom to break.

  • Storage Matters: Don't store condoms in your wallet, car, or other hot places, as heat can degrade the latex and make them less effective. A cool, dry place like a drawer or nightstand is best.

• STI Testing: Many common STIs, such as chlamydia and gonorrhea, show no symptoms. You might not even know you have one. Regular testing is a crucial part of sexual health, particularly when you have new or multiple partners.

  • How Often? If you are sexually active, it’s a good idea to get tested at least once a year. If you have multiple partners, or have had an unprotected encounter, it’s wise to get tested more frequently, such as every 3-6 months.

  • Where to Go: Your campus health center offers confidential, and often free, testing. You can also visit local clinics like Planned Parenthood. Testing is quick, easy, and provides invaluable peace of mind.

• Preventative Medications and Vaccines: Talk to a healthcare professional about options that can significantly reduce your risk of certain infections.

  • Vaccines: The HPV vaccine (Gardasil) protects against genital warts and certain cancers. The Hepatitis A and B vaccines protect against liver infections that can be sexually transmitted.

  • PrEP and PEP: If you are at a higher risk for HIV, Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) is a daily pill that is highly effective at preventing HIV infection. Post-Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP) is a short course of medication taken after a potential exposure to prevent the virus from taking hold.

Birth Control and Contraception

The options for birth control are more diverse than ever. Finding a method that fits your lifestyle, health needs, and preferences is a personal and important choice.

• Consult with a Professional: The best first step is to consult a physician or a counselor at your campus health center. They can walk you through the pros and cons of different methods, from hormonal options like pills, patches, and implants to highly effective long-acting reversible contraception (LARCs) like IUDs. They can help you understand effectiveness rates, potential side effects, and how each method works.

• Emergency Contraception: It's smart to have emergency contraception (like Plan B) on hand as a backup, in case a condom breaks, you forget to take a pill, or you have an unprotected encounter. Remember, this is not a regular birth control method, but it can be a lifesaver in an emergency.

• Pregnancy Testing: Most campus health centers provide free or low-cost pregnancy tests, which can be a valuable resource for anyone with concerns.

Dating, Relationships, and Personal Safety

Navigating dating and relationships in college, particularly in party-heavy cultures like Greek life, requires awareness and caution. Your personal safety should always be a top priority.

• Trust Your Gut: If a situation or a person makes you feel uncomfortable, it's a sign to leave. Your intuition is your first and best defense. Don't worry about being "polite"—your safety is more important.

• Group Safety: When meeting new people or going on a date, tell a friend where you are going, who you are meeting, and when you plan to return. Meet in a public place for the first few times.

• Bystander Intervention: You can make a difference. Bystander training teaches you how to safely intervene in situations that could lead to sexual assault or harassment. If you see something, say something. This could be as simple as creating a distraction to allow someone to leave or getting help from a bouncer or authority figure.

• Healthy Relationships: Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, and open communication. Recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship—control, manipulation, jealousy, or a lack of personal space—and know when to seek help. Campus counseling services offer confidential support for relationship concerns and can help you develop the skills to foster healthy connections.

The Broader Spectrum of Sexual Health: Pleasure, Emotion, and Identity

Sexual health is not just about avoiding disease or pregnancy. It’s a holistic concept that includes your emotional, mental, and social well-being.

• Pleasure and Exploration: A key part of sexual health is understanding and exploring what brings you pleasure. This can involve solo exploration, or open communication with a partner about what you both enjoy. Try new positions, use sex toys, or discover different forms of intimacy.

• Emotional Well-being: Your emotional state is deeply tied to your sexual experiences. Sex can be a source of great joy, but it can also bring up feelings of anxiety, insecurity, or sadness. It's important to be in tune with your emotions and to feel comfortable discussing them with a partner. If you’re not in a good emotional space, it’s okay to say no to sex.

• Exploring Identity: College is a time of self-discovery, and this includes exploring your sexual orientation and gender identity. Your campus is likely home to resources like LGBTQ+ centers and affinity groups that can provide a supportive community and valuable information. Embracing your authentic self is a crucial part of a healthy and fulfilling life.

• Sex Positivity: This is an approach that views sexuality as a natural and healthy part of life. A sex-positive culture is one that encourages open, honest conversations, and promotes pleasure, safety, and respect for all sexualities and expressions. It also means you don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to. It’s perfectly okay to be a virgin or to be asexual.

Navigating Different Types of Relationships

College is a hub of diverse relationship types. Understanding the dynamics of each can help you navigate them more successfully.

• Hookup Culture: Hooking up can range from a one-time casual encounter to a series of non-exclusive sexual interactions. The key is to be clear with your partner about your expectations and boundaries. Is this just for tonight, or is there a possibility of it becoming something more?

• Friends with Benefits (FWB): This involves a sexual relationship with someone you are also friends with. The most important rule here is communication. Establish clear ground rules from the start: Are you allowed to date other people? What happens if one of you develops feelings?

• Monogamous Relationships: These are exclusive relationships where you and your partner agree not to have sex or romantic relationships with other people.

• Open or Polyamorous Relationships: These are non-monogamous relationships where partners agree to have sexual or romantic relationships with other people. This requires an even higher level of communication and trust.

No matter the type of relationship, the core principles of consent, respect, and communication are non-negotiable. A note of caution, if you choose to explore kink, remember your roommates might not want to find you tied to a Saint Andrew's Cross in the shared living room, so play with discretion!

Where to Go for Help and Information

You don't have to figure all of this out on your own. Your campus and the internet are full of reliable, confidential resources designed to help.

• On Campus:

  • Campus Health Services: Your one-stop shop for everything from STI testing and vaccinations to birth control consultations.

  • Counseling Services: Confidential support for mental health, stress, and relationship issues.

  • Peer Educators: Many universities have programs with trained student leaders who provide non-judgmental advice and information on a variety of health topics.

• Online Resources:

  • Scarleteen: An award-winning, comprehensive website with articles on sex, relationships, and sexuality for young people.

  • RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): The nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization, with a 24/7 hotline and resources for survivors.

  • Planned Parenthood: A trusted source for up-to-date information on all aspects of sexual health.

  • Biresource: A great resource for bisexual individuals and allies.

  • AVEN (Asexuality Visibility and Education Network): A community for people who identify as asexual or on the asexual spectrum.

Navigating sexual health and relationships in college is a journey. Take it at your own pace, prioritize communication and consent, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. By being informed and empowered, you can create experiences that are not only safe and healthy, but also joyful and fulfilling.